there are so many things going on in my life.

i know you still come here at times, so i am telling you this here

i cant say it out in front of you, it's too gay and i am too shy

there were those moments which i thought i am gonna lose you

i felt you getting away

i feel sad but there is nothing much i can change about that

but then one random night, you suddenly whatsapped me with all the old stupid things i wrote for you, or i made you

talking about the old times we had shared and how much you missed me

then i suddenly realised, since we had became "friends" we had never really been "together"

it has been always like that, you and me, doing different things, living different lives

but we still do meet up and share about all the not important at all

cracking all my lame jokes

the most important thing is that, no matter how many "3 months" has past, or how long i had not seen you, we still can talk about anything at anytime no shitty awkwardness at all :)

i do miss those old times too, meet up on tuesdays at woodlands

but i treasure what we have now.

we were doing fine for the past few years, i believe we can still continue like this for a couple of years

untill the day that we are no longer friends, i would always love you, with the most special part of my heart

<3

and i retweeted that stupid quote saying "dont give up one ship just because you got a new ship" something like that? not because of you

i always feel you on my ship

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can i talk about him here?

guess not many come around to read, it should be fine.

i no longer smile when i hear the name eugene

he doesnt even come across my mind often nowadays

ya, i pretend to be him on twitter, just so that nobody would know it's me and then find me follow me

i feel unsafe having those i dont trust as my followers. i really do pour my heart out on twitter

guess i have passed the stage where i am all head over heels for eugene

and then him

maybe he's just not as perfect as i thought him would be

illusions die off as you get close that person

as things are getting real, i felt scared

i have not let anybody close to my heart in this way for a long long time

knowing very well that if i'd given anybody a chance like this, i personally empowered him to hurt me and cut me into pieces

sharing all my well hidden secrets with someone else? and hoping him would accept i am such a freaky crazy girl?

letting him into my life, and getting involved in his.

i am not sure if this is gonna work out

i dont even know if it worth a try

again, long waiting, endless waiting

i felt like i have waited long enough

but no, there's nothing i can do other than waiting

maybe it's kind of good that i have all the time to sort things out

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and dont ever try hinting me things

i am slow and dim at this

i could never quite figure out what does a guy wants from me, and i am friendzoning almost every guy in my life.

not on purpose, just thought that we are all friends

please dont bother about testing water with me, i probably wont get it anyway

so if there is a thing, just tell me okay?

i would love to hear it XD

and i dont know if it's you all are lucky, just like how bad i am get figuring out hints, i am not so good at rejecting people as well

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

maybe i shouldnt keep on waiting for him

as i am waiting for him, there might be someone out there waiting for me as well

oh crap, if there is a someone like that why would he bothered waiting?

just let me think about it all over again